Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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