I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I am available for nakedness
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
