More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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