I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
