I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
