Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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