matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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