Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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