She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
