we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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