I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
