New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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