Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
