The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Still dying that you shit outside
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
