Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
