Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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