at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
