$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
