The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
birth control should be required to get into college
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
