The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
