Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
