Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He did a backflip because drugs
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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