you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
