That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
