I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You smell like stripper and shame
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
