conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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