It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
