My first STD was from a foam party
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
