Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
