I heard we made out
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
