it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
