I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
