Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
