wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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