Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
