I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
