just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
