If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
