Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize
