she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
