Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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