Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
