I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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