dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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