I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Green mimosas i think yes
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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