i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
