her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
