I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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