I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
