I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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